First Draft

Final Draft

My Journey Dealing With Body Shaming

Body Shaming is seen everywhere but who would have known that this little girl would be exposed to it at such an early age. I grew up in Inwood, New York; a low-class neighborhood filled with lots of people of many different shapes, sizes, and colors. As children grew up here, they were exposed to diversity so they were more acceptable. In the third grade, you don’t think as much about what you look like or who you are trying to impress because you’re so young. I would go to school every day just like any other young student would. Once I went to the fourth grade, it all changed. Certain peers came into my life had shifted my perspective of the person I was at the time. Being called “too skinny” in society at that time was a blessing, it was not the same for me. Humilation and unworthiness were feelings I felt way too in that chapter of my life. It always had me second-guessing myself asking questions like “Am I good enough?”. To think, these girls were my friends but they turn around and belittle me. 

One day I remember specifically was the worst day of all. It was a fairly cold day in the 4th grade. Lunch started at 12 pm and all the kids in class gathered up in their assigned class tables at the cafeteria. I sat at the white foldable table where my friends were at. We were having a conversation and then, all a sudden, the conversation turned about me. The girls started asking “Do you even eat?”, “Are you anorexic?”, “You’re too skinny, it’s not pretty”. I never started to think about my body in that way until that specific day. The emotions going through me were confusion, humiliation, and embarrassment. At such an early age, you wouldn’t think that a child could beat themselves down like that but I did. I was always confused because the amount of food I ate was absurd. Never thought in my head that I was skinny or as some people called me, a “stick”. I still hung out with them even after everything happened because I never thought into how mean those comments were, I just thought they were the truth. There was another time that we were all in recess and were all hanging out sitting on the ground. Sometimes, when it was not too cold, we were let out to play outside with our coats on and enjoy the cold close to spring weather. My clothes were the main topic of this conversation this time. They would tell me that my clothes were too childish and that they were not cool. Sitting on that black rubber weather I felt even worse than before. To think that your mother, the one who put thought into buying those clothes, that these girls would say they were ugly and that I should get something better. 

This problem followed me all the way into middle school. I went to I.S. 218 Salome Urena Middle School in Washington Heights near Fort Tryon Park. It was a large building but we had to share it with other schools. We only had access to two floors, the cafeteria, and the gym. In six grade this prevalent since everyone was adjusting to the new school and meeting new people. It began in the seventh grade when the more popular girls started developing their bodies much earlier than others. At this time, if you didn’t have curves then none of the boys wanted to date you or even consider you as a crush. I was just an awkward middle schooler trying to go by in life and grow at my own pace. A new friend group was what I found which put me in a better place since they were not making fun of me and accepting me for my character instead of my body. But, that does not mean no one was talking about me. I was still considered the girl that was too skinny but now it was even more hurtful because hormones took me over. Now it starts to become even more personal since you develop hormones and new feelings. “She has a pancake butt” they would say. That comment still goes through my mind to this day sometimes. The thing that changed though was when I had a friend had was going through the same issue. I listened to when someone said that her butt resembled a plate and continued to make fun of her as well. This is when I start to realize that everyone goes through the same struggles. At this time, I had discovered the website Youtube and people can post videos on whatever they want. I see many videos of people saying that they went through body shaming as well. Body shaming comes in different forms and everyone goes through it. There are fat-shaming and skinny shaming and at some point in someone’s life, they experience it. High school was the turning point of this problem. I started maturing and realizing that not everything is about the way people perceive you. Do whatever you want and don’t put yourself down. Expressing myself in different ways let me build up the confidence I had in me all along. This little girl did not know the potential that she had in her.